


No more kidding around

by Lizu



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Pepper Potts, Civil War Team Iron Man, Debut Fic, Fix-It, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Many Characters - Freeform, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Victor von Doom doesn't have time for this shit, figuring out plot as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-10-26 10:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10784994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizu/pseuds/Lizu
Summary: My take on the classic Civil War Fix-ItDisclaimer: I don't own anything, the characters are property of Marvel.





	1. Beginning

Okoye watched as the Queen listened to T'Challa's message. Shuri watched passively, then let the silence linger when he finished. Those few seconds were enough to cause the king to tense, however, when she spoke, Shuri said only:

"I'm sure you had your reasons, brother. I send to prepare rooms and the main conference room for debriefing."

In the back, Steve intervened "Ma'am, thank you for all that you and your brother are doing for us."

Shuri threw him a cursory glance and looked behind him. "T'Challa, the Sergeant and his friend look a little scraped up. Are the enemy combatants dead or merely incapacitated?" Okoye had to admit that was an understatement. While their healing factor had been healing them all throughout the conversations, the change in their heavily bruised faces and the Soldier's destroyed metal arm attested to a violent struggle. Rogers had tensed at the question, while the King stared as if not understanding.

"What?" 

"Did you assume they fought one another?"

T'Challa turned, "Is anyone still alive in that facility?"

"I... ugh-"

"Now, Captain."

"Stark came and-" 

T'Challa's eyes widened. Shuri asked in the same even tone, "Alive?"

"Yes!"

"Anyone else?"

"Um, no. I don't think so."

The Queen rose, "Brother, I'll prepare things here. Fly carefully." She closed the connection, the King's unseeing eyes staring blankly to the side. 

\--~~~--

Rhodey's phone was beeping by his side.

He'd been watching the news for over 10 minutes now, without seeing a thing. Tony had been gone for 21 hours, no one knew where, and the media were on a rampage. Ross had given a scathing interview and soon both the UN and the Department of Justice had intervened publicly, condemning both parties and discussing sanctions. 

What was more he knew FRIDAY had suddenly lost contact with him 5 hours ago. Her updates had woken him up. First, he'd lost his legs; now, it seemed the whole world had lost its damn mind. He couldn't wrap his mind around it.

His phone stopped, then his screen flashed and FRIDAY's clear voice resounded on speaker. "Colonel Rhodes, Ms. Potts has been trying to get in touch with you. They've just found Boss, she's bringing him home."

"He's ok?" Dear God, what was wrong with his voice?

"Colonel?"

"Is he ok?"

"Boss has mild hypothermia. He's being flown over; he'll arrive in 12 hours." 12 hours? Rhodey brought a shaking hand to his forehead. A nurse came in an closed the tv, the came over to ask him if he required sedatives. He waved her off. "FRIDAY, send me the details. Let Pepper know to call me as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir. Thank you, Colonel." Rhodey's smile turned grim.

"I still have the President's number somewhere, don't I?"

-~~~-

Tony woke up on a Wednesday.

Rhodey and Pepper had been waiting by his bedside, and hugged him within an inch of his still-healing ribs until the nurse, a woman with the disposition of the average hungry bear, had unceremoniously turned them away when visiting hours ended. They were soon followed by Vision, who barely got a few words in, before the nurse threw him out, too. 

They told him the Accords had been put on hold, due to the disappearance of the others and his convalescence. They told him someone had rescued the others from the RAFT, but the UN and the DoD were staying their hand. They told him everything would be ok. FRIDAY corroborated it. Tony waited for it to make sense, then gave it up.

The most unexpected visit of all came later in the evening as the Spiderkid crawled through the open window, to apologize profusely for letting Cap get away. Tony had been stumped. Then the nurse, named Poppy Lawrence, had come in - that woman had a sixth sense - and took his phone away. The nerve! 

"You will rest." 

"Give me my phone back! I slept on the way here."

"Your ribs are fractured and healing, you suffered from hypothermia and you had to be flown over half the globe. You can either go to sleep now, or enjoy the hospital food for the rest of your extended stay here." 

"The doctor decides how long I have to stay!" 

Poppy bent forward a little, so she could squint at him dead in the eye. "'Course he does, love. Good thing your Ms. Potts is a woman of sense. She and I understand one another. Sleep, now." 

She then straightened and put her hands on her hips. 5 ft nothing and she somehow managed to loom over him. Tony started shifting away before he realized what he was doing.

"And tell the boy dressed like it's Halloween to get back home, quick now." She threw a glare to the upper corner of the window, where Peter was hiding. "It's a school day tomorrow!" He yelped and disappeared.

Tony turned to her "Look, lady-"

"Don't take that tone of voice with me, lad." she said evenly.

"I can't sleep, ok? You know my fucking file, I have nightmares and the silence and darkness of this place isn't helping things. So give me my phone back! Where are we, anyway?"

"You don't know me, but your Pepper left you in my charge and I take my work seriously. You will sleep. I will sit here. I could be watching Days of our Lives reruns, but I will sit right here. Do you understand? If you have nightmares, I will wake you up. Go to sleep."

"Lawrence-

"Poppy."

"Poppy, I-"

She threw him a long look. Her salt-and-pepper hair waved slowly in the breeze.

"Sleep."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by frostweb - I'll find a way to remove your sorry ass from the authors, no worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer for Angry Birds, the characters and the Dumbledore reference, he's JK Rowling's.

"Pepper, did you put parental controls on my phone?!"

"The _President,_ Rhodey?"

"Go figure, people tend to bond after saving each other's lives from an overachieving firebug. Something I thought you'd understand."

Pepper shifted awkwardly, looking away from Rhodey's put off look, "I didn't set FRIDAY on you, specifically. And I'm sorry, you can call whoever you want, now. It's just... FRIDAY inherited the JARVIS reaction protocols." She smiled wistfully. "I'd tell him 'don't let inebriated Avengers call the world powers' or former significant others or 'don't let Avengers make big decisions following upsetting events'."

"JARVIS never did-"

"No, JARVIS could exercise judgement." Rhodey shut up, processing the new information. "I have to be very careful how I tell FRIDAY things. She's young. And Tony never had the time or inclination to give her the same level of detail. There is no one reviewing leftover protocols."

Rhodey looked abashed, "Sorry, Pepper, I didn't mean to bring it up, I just wanted to do something about the damn assholes tearing Tony to pieces on live TV!"

Pepper threw him a sideways look, "FRIDAY blocked my phone, too."

\--~~--

In a cozy restaurant room with no windows, the masked man straightened back catching a break in the conversation “洗手间，在那里？”

A deceptively thin-looking bodyguard stood up fluidly, “末日先生，请跟我来。”

He would have raised an eyebrow, but it would have been a wasted effort after all. “老李,你不相信我吗?”

Mr. Negative waived him away grumpily. 

In relative privacy, Victor von Doom went in and stood in front of the toilet for a couple of seconds. He then took out a small pocket lighter, held it up and clicked it. He smiled in ... modest satisfaction as the resulting yellow glow indicated the bugs and cameras had been hacked to use a few seconds' footage in a randomly scrambled loop to provide a fairly average five minute proof of previous consistent drinking. 

He opened his pocket mirror to come face to face with the king of Asgard.

"Victor, none of the others can reach you."

"I'm negotiating below the radar transportation and supply agreements for rare materials, there was literally no way I could postpone it."

"It is quite important, I'm afraid." 

Victor closed in eyes feeling a headache coming up. "I literally have four minutes."

\--~~--

"You let him attack the RAFT."

"He said... his friends..."

"Yes, and you listened. Okoye, secure Zemo from the jet. We'll debrief, Your Majesty. Everyone follow me."

\--~~--

The next time he woke up, Poppy brought over his Starkpad and the hospital food. Tony gave it a clinical look over, but ate without complaint, and so on, every day after. He kept shifting in an out of sleep. He tried to escape a couple of times, halfheartedly, but the nurses seemed were paranoid enough to keep even him in. He would give a token protest, flirt with them, then return to his bed while an exasperated doctor lectured him on fissures in the sternum. He started working. 

Nobody ever figured out how Nurse Lawrence got the 'pad from him when it was time to sleep. 

He didn't search the news. Time moved on.

In a couple of days Tony will ask hollowly "How is my workshop" and he'll say "Let me help" and, a bit stunned, "FRIDAY, you were supposed to be on my side!" and Pepper will say, eyes glittering, "FRIDAY is on your side, Tony. And now, the whole world is." But, more importantly, he'll ask what-"is _she_ doing here?!"

Happy held open the front passenger door and Pepper got in while Poppy opened the other back door, muttering, "You might have stayed in the hospital a bit too long, Stark, if your ass can fit the whole two back benches."

Tony's eyes widened, outraged, "Get out of my car!" 

Happy came over "Ms. Lawrence, ma'am, let me take your bags."

"There you go, lad."

"Happy!"

Pepper turned to Tony "She's one of Peggy Carter's former trainees, retired. I'm forwarding the file now. Fury introduced us while I was liaising with Phil. She'll be staying in my rooms at the Tower."

"No."

"Yes."

Tony smirked "Pepper, if you wanted a threesome, I'm all for older women, but kink negotiation is a must."

"Very funny, Tony." "Negotiate what? Time away from Angry Birds?"

Tony threw Poppy a quelling look, "You, don't interrupt." She snorted, but pulled out a book. 

"So she's one of Peggy's, I don't see why I'm playing shelter for Fury's wayward agents." He thought for a moment. "Again."

"She's not SHIELD, Tony. She was..." Pepper looked questioningly at Poppy. 

"Freelance, Potts. No shame in it." Poppy muttered without looking up.

Pepper shrugged, then turned to Tony, "and then she went into normal jobs."

"Pepper, sweetheart, light of my soul, there is no way the woman - and that means you" he turned towards Poppy, "no offence, I'm sure you're great-"

"Good enough for you, Stark."

"Ha, fat chance - but she's not staying at the Tower, and that's final."

Pepper turned fully towards him "Tony, refresh my memory."

Tony smirked with easy confidence "Always, here for you, Pep." 

"When you inaugurated your Tower, I think I was there, it was... eventful."

"It was revolutionary, is what it was."

Pepper threw him a dry look "and you took me up on the elevator-"

"Turbolift."

"And said 'This whole floor is yours Pepper, for ever and ever'."

"Our floor."

"Which you never used, since you sleep in the workshop or on Thor during Movie night." Tony straightened and his smile faltered; Pepper looked away apologetically, but then she smiled back at him, and it was that effortless smile that enveloped him like an easy day working at the suits, that warmed him from the core. He did the only thing he could, he smiled back.

Pepper bit her lip "So. My floor."

"Always, Pepper."

"So I can have anyone I want there - and Poppy's staying."

He hit her with his best betrayed look. It bounced right back.

Happy's careful voice interrupted the stare-down. 

"We have arrived, ladies, Mr. Stark."

He went to open the doors for Pepper and Nurse Lawrence, while Tony got out on his own, started to go in, and stopped. Pepper followed his line of sight, smiled, elbowed him gently and motioned him inside, Poppy and Happy following sedately behind them.

Right at the top, where everyone could see, it read

'STARK TOWER'

\--~~--

"When is Tony going to land in the States?"

"The flight is about 12h long."

Rhodey shrugged and looked away. "What happened after-" he stopped, swallowing bitterly. "after I fell. What happened to Tony."

"Sam Wilson revealed... some mitigating circumstances, so Tony left to help Rogers and Barnes at a HYDRA facility in Siberia." Rhodey thought he saw her eyes flash yellow, but it was gone in a second. "I was in a meeting, ultimately something my sales team could have handled, when FRIDAY called me to tell me she lost contact with the suit. There was no one else to call. No SHIELD, no Avengers, no significant other. To be honest, it's unlikely we would have ever found him." She hesitated "We had... an anonymous tip. My people are tracking it down."

"A threat?" He pulled himself up on one arm, apprehensively. Pepper's face was set in stone, a soldier grimly facing the incoming onslaught.

"It's possible. I pulled from SI's top management and left them with a skeleton crew and business-as-usual orders. I doubled the PR teams and put one on double-time scenario planning for unforeseen events and their impact on SI. However, the chief minds of R&D are working to track down Zemo's breadcrumbs, unknown variables and Tony's recordings while PR's processing what we have as well as putting together a case with legal against Ross. If you feel well enough to help-"

"Dear God, Pepper, do you even need to ask?"

"your military and political knowledge would be a real help. Also, let's keep your ties to the President quiet. That sort of favor you can only use once. You never know when we might need it."

"So, your plan is to turn the tide of the media?" he waved vaguely at the dark TV screen.

Pepper looked pensive, "SI has been tame long enough that people forgot how much political power we've got. 

"I suppose I could say I should appeal to their better natures and remind them how much Tony gave for this world. How many jobs he created, how much he advanced technology, how he sacrificed himself so that New York wouldn't be a crater. 

"But people want a ideal, they want an idea, they want what Steve pretended to be. They conveniently tear Tony apart for his mistakes, blame him, to make themselves feel better, to get more out of him, more, more, more. 

"Well, they won't get one bit of him, and they'll starve. They're already done, they just don't know it."

Rhodey watched mutely. She took a deep breath, then seemed to deflate in front of his eyes. "I can't believe I let things come to this."

"Pepper, it wasn't your fault. We're all human."

"No, I thought my job was to get the company to work as well as possible, I took care of everything. I never could understand why he would give me this, and not care when I brought him proof about how much better it was going." Pepper eyes were slightly wet now. "I just wanted to make him happy. Instead, I turned my back and people took advantage of him.

"You know how they found him, Rhodey? Hypodermic, falling in and out of consciousness" her hands clenched on the bed rail, "his arc reactor was crushed and Steve's shield on the doorstep."

"Pepper, you think? He wouldn't do that. He's..."

"What, Captain America?" She shook her head, ruefully. "Nothing else but that vibranium could have cut like that through the chest plate. Our R&D at the site confirmed the cuts match."

"Steve would have never left without his shield voluntarily."

Pepper turned to him. Her cheeks were awash in tears, but her eyes burned with the same eerie glow of that night at the old oil tanker. When she spoke, her voice trembled with pain and helpless rage.

"I hope to God you're right, Rhodey, or I'll put my hand through his rib cage and burn his heart out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Chinese, (suggestions welcome)
> 
> "Where's the bathroom?"
> 
> "Mr. Doom, follow me."
> 
> "Mr. Li, don't you trust me?"
> 
> Thank you for reading. I appreciate feedback, but it's unlikely I'll read it. Bad reviews make me ~~sad~~ gleefully sadistic so that causes the story ambiance to fluctuate like crazy. Hope you understand.


End file.
